Guard your heart

"My child, pay attention to what I say.  Listen carefully to my words.  Don't lose sight of them.  Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their body.  Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:20-23

This verse kept coming to my mind this morning.  After Pastor Bucks sermon on Sunday, I've been really thinking about how I need to filter out so many things in my life.  I suppose this 7 challenge is a great way to start.

When I was young, I always heard to "guard your heart" when it came to dating.  I have to say I hate that phrase.  What teenager actually understand caution and fear?  Those things truly come with experience.  Your heart extends far more than to just dating anyway.  Matter of fact, I believe that dating would be one of the last areas your heart will reach.  What about how you react to conflict, what you expose yourself to on T.V., what comes out of your mouth,  how you care for the people around you, how you care for the people out of your circle?  All of these and about a billion more affect the heart.

When our heart has been unguarded we tend to over-compensate.  When we have allowed this world to determine what we want, have, desire, consume, and believe we have failed to guard the very connection between God.  There is nothing in this world that will make you happy or content for longer than the mere second you change the channel on your t.v.  I won't even start into politics.

All this to say, we've been taught that we can choose when and when not to guard our hearts.  We have been given the options to take all, some, most of, or a little of God.  Unfortunately, this is a very inaccurate statement.  You either belong to God or you don't.

The same goes for me on this "food" journey this month.  I started out with a simple plan.  Give food away.  But the longer I've gotten into it, I realize that if I really want to give this area of excess to God completely, it extends beyond just giving food away.  I am to guard my heart in this area and help others too.  Something I can't get past is how Pinterest and Facebook have somehow created a way to take food ideas for us soccer moms and prostitute them on the internet.  We display food, set it up, make sure the lighting is perfect, so that EVERYONE can see the glorious masterpiece we created.  Let's not mention the five extra ingredients we will never again use, that cost an arm and a leg to get.

This display of food prostitution would be horrifying to those in impoverished countries that may eat a meal of rice once a day.  And here we are, letting our guard down, feeding the fat and forgetting the forgotten.  Harsh, maybe.  But this wholly includes me, just so you know.

So AGAIN, I've been convicted.  I'm not sure where this conviction will lead, the very least I will not display food as a trophy on my Facebook page anymore, and perhaps not use ingredients I can't normally buy, but beyond on that, it may take more of God than me to change.

Week 1, a bust or a blessing

Well, this week was a lot HARDER than I thought it was going to be.  There were many times I felt that I had failed because my plans were changed so many times.  After all is said and done, here is what I have learned so far:

1. If you want to see the definition of human, just take a look at me.  I've done it all.  In my eyes I have failed and without God's rescue I would be nothing. Good news though, I've been bought at a price and every day I am more and more amazed that for some unknown reason to me God is still here, and He still cares about me.  I can make a billion plans and they will be changed a billion times.  God always knows better than I, and when it's time for him to step in, He doesn't rub it in my face. Instead He honors me with dignity, grace and love.


2.  I didn't quite realize how attached I am to food.  Every time I had to give food away, especially from my own pantry I couldn't seem to part with my food.  It's weird.  I can easily go to the store and replace what I give, and yet there I was standing in my kitchen over and over again at a loss as to what I should give away.  That's so sad to me.  I value food over clothes, toys, media, EVEN SLEEP!!!  Why do we feel we need to have food available at all times?  I will miss a phone call, a play date, my quiet time, nap time, but I will not miss a meal.

There were moments throughout the week, where I felt I heard whispers of the Holy Spirit speaking, and I turned away.  I was going through the food in my house, and I kept pulling out things I didn't need and I kept hearing, "Give the good stuff, give the food you value most."  I couldn't part from them.  I chose an expensive $4 juice over being obedient.  JUICE!!!  FAILED.  Is juice going to save the world?  No.  But if I don't allow the Holy Spirit to control the small things in my life then how can I  expect Him to lead me with more.

3. EVERY one needs and will take any donations even the animal shelter.  As a reward, I took Rhyan to the Animal Shelter to play with the kittens.  While there I decided to donate food (Hey, animals need to eat too).  As soon as I said the word donate, they jumped on the opportunity with great enthusiasm.  This week I donated food to the animal shelter, the Community Storehouse, Compassion, snacks for Girl Scouts, delivered Chick-fil-A to some friends, and fed two lovely missionaries who just arrived home for furlough (my in-laws).

4. Food has been a gateway for me to be more aware of the needs around me.  I've noticed that I never go without.  Just realizing that fact has freed me to be less attached to money and more attached to the command to care for others in need.  I so desperately want my children to realize how MUCh they have and how little others have.  I want them to give more, spend less, and always be aware.

So I say this week has been far from a bust.  It's been humbling and rewarding to say the least.  This next week, I'm not going to plan it out.  I'm going to focus more on following the Spirit's leading and see if and where it takes me.

It's been WAYYYYY too long!

Okay, so I'm not the greatest at keeping up with most things.  But hopefully these next few months will be different.  It will be different because I have joined with a group of girls to live out the book: 7, An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, written by Jen Hatmaker.  This book is every thing I have thought about but haven't been able to put it into action.  So she made it easy for me.  Essentially, my friends and I are taking 7 months and redefining what we need, use, spend, give, and ultimately do with our lives.

This month is food.  It's up to you to decide what you are going to do for the month.  Some have chosen to give up seven foods, others have chosen 7 impoverished countries and for four days each, are eating what they would eat.  I have decided to think more locally.  If you truly know me it's really hard for me to put myself out there in front of strangers and offer help.  I'm not great at starting conversations or meeting new people.  I seem to always confuse people, and usually end up thinking that people probably think I am stuck up.  Just so you know, that is not the case.

So my goal this month is to give away food every day.  It could be through a local food bank, organization, school, charity, nursing home, and so on.  It will include pantry items, cooked food, and even Chick-fil-A.  I am excited to find out what is here in Martinsville.  This challenge is mostly going to test my bravery because I will be making phone calls, and stepping into places I've avoided.  Ironically, God has given me a gift of compassion and care for people, I've just allowed my insecurities and fears of rejection to hold me back.

So my first stop is: unknown.  I will get back to you after I have a plan!

To live out the life God's called you too, is to recognize the bountiful opportunities right where you are.  I know I've said that a lot, but honestly I cannot say it enough.  You don't have to be across seas to be fulfilling God's will.  As a matter of fact, you have been placed in this town, with this job, surrounded by these people for a very Devine reason.  Perhaps your job is the means to be able to adopt a child like a friend of mine.  Perhaps your job is a gateway to get to where God really needs you.  We all have different stories.

My in-laws are missionaries in Papua New Guinea.  They don't live out in the middle of the jungle in mud huts, hunting for their food.  They live in a not so extravagant house, with the bare essentials.  My father-in-law is an airplane mechanic and my mother-in-law works in an office.  Without their jobs, the missionaries that are called out into the jungle would not exist.  Each job is useful, needed, and just as important as the other.

I find that these days we all are starving for significance.  It's hard to stand out in a world that is exposed at our finger tips.  The internet has become an avenue to replicate anything or anyone in an instant.  You see a haircut, a pair of shoes, a birthday cake, a family portrait that you like and the next day you've either ordered it online, found out how to make it yourself, or posted it on Facebook.  You want to be noticed.  You want to stand out, and most of the time you're everyday life feels uneventful, unnoticed, and unwanted.

The search for significance will never end if you are looking for someone to notice you.  It WILL end if you can learn to be content and find joy and satisfaction right where you are.  I don't mean for you to be comfortable, I mean for you to be relentless at making yourself better and seizing the moment, seeing every opportunity as a REAL gift from God.

You only have one life.  How do you want to live it?

When my daughter was two we lived at the beach.  I remember walking on the beach one cool morning with her looking for shells.  At some point we separated and went on our own paths to find shells.  When we got back together we sat down on the damp beach and laid out our findings.  I displayed my collection of perfect shells, beautiful in color and chipless in design.  There wasn't a hole in sight.  I was proud.  It was a lot of work to find such beauties.  Then she dumped out her collection.  I looked at her shells, mostly fragments and pieces.  There were a few whole shells but even those had holes in them.  Most were gray and brown.  She smiled at me so proudly.  I offered a perfect shell to her but she turned me down.  It was then that I saw my own imperfection that I was not born with but taught by a very broken world.  Only through the eyes of a two year old can you see something broken and ugly and find it beautiful.  Well I am still learning to see the world like my children do.  There is not a butterfly unnoticed, a flower not picked, a caterpillar not collected and dirt not untouched by the little hands of God.  I want to look at the town we are in just like that.  I want us to look at our jobs just like that, and most importantly I do not want to pass through this world without noticing the beauty in brokenness and miss the opportunity to fully live the way God has called me to.  What will you notice the beauty in today?

Three years ago we came here to Martinsville because of Chick-fil-A.  We drove up here with snow still on the ground.  Back then we lived up on one of the biggest hills in the area.  I never knew the expression, "we walked up hill both ways" was a true statement.  Here in Martinsville you will find yourself walking up hills both ways, both physically and figuratively speaking.   I now know that Chick-fil-A isn't the reason for us being here but more of a means to something even bigger.  I can feel it.  God shows glimpses of where our journey will be heading.  I know the road will be long, but I truly believe that it's already being paved for us, as long as we recognize that we are EXACTLY where God wants us! 

How I got here.

Here I am.  In a small town.  A town that almost seems forgotten except two times a year when the race arrives.  A town where people smile at you in the Walmart parking lot, beep at you in the car just to say hi, and join together with a mighty force when you deeply need it.  Yep, I am home.  Not the home I ever imagined, but the home that God knew I needed.  With that said, I am on a journey to show the world that you are exactly where God wants you to be.  Your feeling of insignificance is only because you are being held back by all the what if's instead of embracing the what now's!